How to Talk to Your Kids About Race and Racism

With protests against police brutality taking place in the United States and around the world, kids are encountering tricky concepts like race and racism on the news, through social media and in conversations with peers. They’ll likely have questions for you. What’s the best approach?

The first step is to actually talk about it. Racism is a sensitive and messy subject, but not talking about race can allow children to jump to inaccurate, harmful conclusions. When kids are toddlers they start to form ideas around racial bias and stereotypes, and by the age of twelve, many children are set in their beliefs – so it’s crucial to use those years between to improve cultural understanding. Make it your job to start educating your children early.

Let’s start at the beginning: you might’ve heard of the term ‘structural racism’, which refers to the way that racism operates through social and political institutions, like education, law enforcement, voting, employment and health care. Put simply, it’s the way that racism operates across society, not just in one-on-one interactions. Structural racism favours white people while disadvantaging non-white people, often called people of colour, and in Australia, Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander people, often called First Nations people.

It’s a big, abstract subject. How can you discuss it with your children?


Assess the context.

How old are your children, and what level of development are they at? How much do you think they want to know? It’s important not to overshare information for young kids and increase their anxiety levels. By the time they’re at school, most kids will have questions about why other students look different to them in terms of skin tone, hair and eye colour. Kids won’t always express themselves with the right language, but don’t shy away from the question if they do. Affirm this diversity: ‘Yes, your friend/teacher/neighbour looks different to you ,isn’t it great that we all look so individual and unique?’ And then, by the time children reach their teenage years, they’ll start to think about more complicated subjects like injustice and protesting, so be ready to discuss these in a meaningful way.


Create the right environment.

No matter how old your child is or what kinds of questions they have, an open and respectful approach is always best. If they have questions about protests, for example, build empathy by asking them to assume the perspectives of others: ‘How do you think these people are feeling, and why?’ You can also make it relatable – for example, every child understands the basic concept of unfairness, which is a useful way to explain racism: ‘Isn’t it unfair that some people have some privileges that others don’t?’

Always respond in a clear and empathetic way – and be patient! If your child doesn’t use the right language, don’t shut them down – teach it to them. Tone is also really important. For example, teenagers won’t respond so well if they think you’re preaching, so make it a two-way conversation. Give them the information they need, but also listen to what they think about the situation.


Choose your media carefully.

For younger kids, this means protecting them from disturbing images of protests and riots, while making sure they’re exposed to positive representations of people of colour, for example books with multi-racial characters. Another great way is playtime with toys: Barbies, Disney princesses and action figures have never been so diverse. They come in all different shapes/sizes and race as well, As they grow older, kids should read age-appropriate books and watch television shows that have stories dealing with discrimination and empathy.

Education is key, and as we’ve said, educating ourselves on race is a lifelong journey that starts before we’re even at school. Schooling Online has a range of videos with multi-racial casts of characters, and many explore issues of race. For example, in our Life Stage series, a video on Harmony Day teaches children about how people from all over the world live in Australia, and teaches them to celebrate cultural differences.


Do the work together.

There is always more to learn about issues of race and racism, so if a child asks you a question you don’t know, find it out with them! Research and read anti-racist books, or articles online, that teach you how to identify your own prejudices. And remember, when you’ve answered your child’s question, make them feel comfortable to ask more questions – that can be the beginning of an ongoing conversation that will equip them with skills for life.